You’re All Alone

If so many hate to be alone, why do so many of us choose isolation?

You're all alone.

Clint Eastwood is a man who seems to be obsessed with the premise that “one man against the world” is an idea that never gets old when it comes to cinematic storytelling. Many of his characters are singular figures who seem to exist on the periphery of society, engaging with the public at large only long enough to settle a score, right a wrong, or dish out a form of justice that could best be described as “frontier-style.”

Playing one of his most iconic roles as the Outlaw Josey Wales, Eastwood, surprise, surprise, finds himself alone against what would seem like daunting odds in the form of a group of renegade soldiers hell-bent on bringing him to justice, or killing him, whichever comes first. Just as it would seem that the proverbial “jig was up,” one of Wales’ tormentors shouts out to him as he is holed up in his hideout, “You’re all alone now…Wales!” However, as is the case in many Eastwood films, an odd collection of allies emerge, this time led by the late and seemingly forever venerable Native-American actor Chief Dan George. The aged chief responds in a voice that is stilted, and yet deliberate as he points his gun at the would-be captors of his new friend Josey Wales, as he proclaims, “Not quite alone.” It’s a great moment in the film, and it lends itself to the idea that none of us really want to be alone, and we are almost brought to tears to find out that just when it would appear we have been all but abandoned, somebody arrives to aid us in our moment of need. (Even if they are old enough to have seen many moons.) So why do we choose to isolate ourselves so often when all of us typically desire company?

Now that I have a headshot of Chief Dan George, all I need is a headshot of Will Sampson, and I will have completed my collection of Native American actors’ headshots. I’m not sure where to find Sampson’s, but I’m thinking Turning Stone Casino in Verona, New York would be a fine place to start. (Getty Images)

I’ve often credited my eldest brother with his quote regarding loneliness where he likes to say that it’s “All that it’s cracked up to be.” However, he recently came clean and admitted that while he may have helped popularize the quote regarding loneliness, he can’t claim credit for originating this sentiment. He admitted that it was actually one of America’s most beloved actors, the great Alan Alda who came up with the quote, “Loneliness is everything it’s cracked up to be.” The idea of loneliness is one that consumes many Americans, and for good reason. While many of us enjoy being left alone, nobody ever wishes to be lonely. A fine line? Perhaps, but there is a difference, and American culture and society is filled with examples of how we obsess over the idea of being lonely, which I believe it is safe to say includes being alone. Of course you could be alone in a crowd, and in fact, that may be the loneliest place in the world.

An expert on so many things, the beloved Alan Alda understood loneliness even though he was at one time quite possibly the most famous actor on television. (Getty Images)

Perhaps because loneliness is such a recurrent concern for so many, it is a theme that is revisited time and again in both song and in the world of cinema. Television programs ranging from The Twilight Zone to The Last Man on Earth have also explored this concept. The idea of being alone has been examined and probed in the world of movies for horror, laughs, as well as drama. For example, in the horror classic When a Stranger Calls, Carol Kane is tormented by a menacing voice on the telephone who keeps calling her knowing she’s alone. The very idea of being isolated can be a cause for terror, or if you are Greta Garbo, an unrequited desire.

“I want to be alone,” became Garbo’s calling card, (Although she later claimed that she had been misquoted and that what she really said was, “I want to be let alone.”) and in fact in real life she emulated this sentiment by abandoning her movie career and living the life of a virtual hermit right in broad daylight in Manhattan. New York City is one of those places that you can hide in plain sight. While most movie stars don’t seek to duplicate their movie roles in real life, it would be a cool idea to consider, unless of course they are playing a serial killer or something along those lines. At any rate, check out some of the most important works within the world of film that used the concept of being alone or loneliness to tell a story:

1. Home Alone — Every six year old’s nightmare, being left home alone, abandoned by one’s family. In this case however, it served as a coming of age for young Kevin McCallister who takes the lemons he’s been justifiably given after acting like a complete brat right before his entire family is making their way to France, and turns them into lemonade.
2. Cast Away — Tom Hanks learns that when you’re on your own, time no longer matters, at least until you befriend a Wilson volleyball.
3. 127 Hours — This movie based on a true story begs the question, “Would you cut your own arm off to get away from yourself?”
4. Omega Man — In this futuristic sci-fi action movie, Charlton Heston isn’t really alone although he would be better off if he were. Those who surround him are trying to kill him and have been turned into some sort of zombie like creatures. Heston is holed up in his fortress of solitude killing off as many of his “neighbors” as he can. Now let’s be honest, who hasn’t at least considered this?
5. Gravity — Sandra Bullock is about as alone as a person could be when space debris kills off the rest of her crew while she is working to repair equipment in orbit around the Earth. She has to somehow make her way back to her planet, and do it all by herself. How isolated is Bullock? When she safely returns, she’s still by herself. There’s nobody around to rescue her. Perhaps she should have been less standoffish.

It almost looks dreamy, except you have nobody to turn to and say, “Look how dreamy this all looks.” (You Tube)

Movies aren’t the only medium that seeks to portray the concept of being alone as a theme to in which to tell a story. The world of music is constantly exploring this idea. This makes perfect sense since songwriting is an effort that is usually attempted in complete solitude, therefore it lends itself to writing about being alone. Here are some of the all-time great songs dealing with being alone.

1. Without You by Harry Nilsson — Nilsson didn’t pen this ode to all things lonely and abandoned, but he surely sang the hell out of it as if he understood the meaning of these lyrics.
2. One by Three Dog Night — Ironically, Nilsson didn’t sing this song about being the loneliest number that you ever saw, but he did write it. It did become a huge hit for Three Dog Night which may not have brought much joy to the world, but it brought joy to them.
3. So Lonely by The Police — “I feel lo, lo, lo, I feel lo, lo, lo, I feel so lonely.” Sting may not have known many lonely nights, but he sure makes you feel as if he knew from whence he spoke.
4. Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles — A song literally dedicated to all the lonely people. The whole song is accompanied by string instruments to reinforce the sadness of the lyrics as if the line “Father McKenzie, writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear, no one comes near, look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there.” didn’t convey the idea of loneliness enough.
5. All By Myself by Eric Carmen — Nobody wants to stay all by themselves, but sometimes it just works out that way.

(The fact that Nilsson was a heavy drinker and drug addict makes this all the sadder. He also wrote, “You’re breaking my heart, you’re tearing it apart, so f#%k you!” He obviously didn’t want to be alone. You Tube)

Of course there’s literally a limitless amount of songs about being lonely, particularly in the world of country music where it would appear that being alone is a prerequisite to singing a country song. Whatever happened to that fabled Southern hospitality? Hank Williams Sr. seemed to have invented the entire concept of loneliness through the magistry which is song. “I’m so lonesome I could cry” would appear to be the rallying cry of the lonely for a generation of country music lovers. On the other hand, Martha Davis and the Motels created a loneliness anthem for the ’80s with their hit Only the Lonely, as in, “Only the lonely can play.” As a kid I used to think she was saying that “Only the lonely get laid,” which I thought was a hopeful sign.

So much of our culture is dedicated to the concept of loneliness you’d think that humans would avoid it as much as possible. For example, if we want to punish somebody who’s misbehaved in prison, where do we put them? That’s right, solitary confinement, which most prisoners will tell you is an awful experience. In the federal prison in Colorado known formally as The United States Penitentiary, Administrative Maximum Facility, every one of those heinous inmates who are deemed the most dangerous convicted felons in the United States is kept in solitary confinement for 23 hours per day. This isn’t done to keep their spirits up, it’s part of their punishment. Being alone, despite the protests of Greta Garbo is never seen as desirable or healthy, and yet, as a society we seem to be moving in that direction, and of course technology is the culprit.

That’s definitely a face that wants to be alone. The Swedes suffer from runaway neutrality, they can either take or leave you, and Greta Garbo could definitely leave you. (Getty Images)

Today all one has to do is walk down any street in America, or sit on a train, or even walk through the halls of any school and you will see people congregated together and yet, they are all alone. The advent of the ear bud coupled with the smartphonehas created a society of completely isolated beings. We have chosen to quarantine ourselves right in the midst of the humanity that surrounds us. It is as if we are all suffering from some form of mental smallpox, and we are trying to stay as far away emotionally from each other as possible.

For teachers, earbuds and smartphones have become a daily struggle. With the advent of the wireless earbud, now students can effectively hide the fact that they are listening to music or watching television as they sit in the back of your classroom which isn’t easy considering that many also have to navigate vaping with their Juuls.

However, I believe there are even more dire issues for us to tackle regarding our self-imposed isolation in our society. For example, students going away to college are so comfortable disappearing behind their smartphone and earbuds, that just the basic task of meeting people, one of the biggest reasons you go away to school in the first place, has now become a foreboding experience. Just striking up a conversation has become a task, especially when it’s so much easier to simply hide behind your technology based entertainment. Sadly, the safe thing to do is to just sit in one’s room and not even bother to meet people. This is a far cry from the past when you went away to school and you’d just keep your door open knowing somebody would walk tin and start talking or inquiring of what you were up to. Now, everybody sits in their room with the door closed. The other students know not to bother you, not that they are leaving their rooms either.

Good luck having a conversation and meeting people. (Getty Images)

It will be interesting to see where we are as a society 20 or 30 years from now. Will we continue to drift further apart, or will we break free from all of this self-imposed isolation. Will it become even more difficult to meet people, and will relationships continue to seem awkward for many as they retreat into their phones and earbuds rather than engage their partners in conversation? The whole concept of dining out is based on wanting to be with people, but now most would rather be with their phones and do the things they want to do. Watching television or listening to music used to be a shared activity, now there’s only room for one. Perhaps I need to become part of the solution. From now on when I write my blog, instead of seeking out a quiet and isolated spot, I will write my blog in the middle of a soccer riot. How’s the wifi at those things?