Trump goes “postal.”
Finally, somebody has found the guts to take on those radicals and miscreants who run that left-wing extremist organization that makes Black Lives Matter look like the Federalist Society. The secretive and clandestine society of which I speak is known by its code name; “USPS.” Most of us civilians know them better as the United States Postal Service. If you just felt the hair on the back of your neck stand up over the thought of what this all-knowing, all-powerful, and omnipotent organization is going to do to our election this year, you’re not alone. (Yes, it’s true you’re not alone, but it’s not a particularly large or distinguished group that you’re associated with. It’s basically you, Donald Trump, Alex Jones, Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson and the “My Pillow Guy. All I’m saying is, you might want to reconsider.)
Why has Donald Trump, a man who won’t even use email, decided to use the collective power and resources of the office of President of the United States to curb the ability of its own officially sanctioned delivery system to do its job? I’ll give you a hint. As any good opera singer knows, it all starts with “Me, me, me me.” Donald Trump has figured out that his chances of being reelected are not looking nearly as good as they were a year ago. Therefore, like any “tin-pot” dictator, he’s trying to figure out a way to suppress the vote. Apparently he has come to the conclusion that most of the people who vote by mail are going to vote for his opponent, former vice president, Joe Biden. So, what is one to do? Eliminate the middleman, which in this case is the USPS. Problem solved. Score one for the “orange.”
Is there a place for a fine patriot like Cliff Clavin in Donald Trump’s America? Little known fact, there isn’t. (Getty Images)
Certainly in the age of electronic mail, there are many who question the necessity of the USPS. Some even see it as a giant money pit, constantly running in the red, just another sign of a bloated bureaucracy. While the U.S. Mail may be an easy target, there does seem to be a lot of misunderstanding about its history and importance in our society. Like anything else that is good in our society, the USPS was started by Benjamin Franklin. Franklin, (Who you can still celebrate since he never owned slaves. Oh wait, he was a big time womanizer and would have been #MeToo’d, so never mind) served as our nation’s first postmaster general when he was appointed by the Second Continental Congress in 1775. Other than the Declaration of Independence, this may have been this Congress’ greatest achievement.
The Department of the Post Office was established in 1792 by a law passed by Congress and signed by then President George Washington. The position of postmaster general became a cabinet position in 1872 under President Ulysses S. Grant. (I believe that Grant belonged to the “Bourbon of the Month Club” and wanted somebody on hand at his cabinet meetings to yell at when his monthly case of Jim Beam didn’t arrive.) It was the infamous Postal Reorganization Act of 1970 under Richard Nixon that established the USPS as an independent agency, just like the Justice Department. (I’ll now pause while the snickering subsides.) The USPS was forever known as a vital and highly non-controversial independent and non-political arm of the the executive branch, until a certain orange-faced baby-man took over the White House in 2017, and the rest is Trump at his worst, and that’s saying something.
(Imagine a world where thanks to Donald Trump, Steve from Blue’s Clues doesn’t get to do his “Happy Mail Dance.” It’s too terrible to ponder. YouTube)
Trump’s issues with the USPS are not complicated. Really, there’s nothing that Trump does, no stance that he takes, no action that he invokes that resembles any kind of sophistication or stealth. Trump is if nothing, out in the open about his dishonesty. Why? Mainly because he has no problem denying and lying about everything he’s said and done, so why waste all of that energy on being clever when you’re just going to lie about it later on. Trump’s issues with USPS falls into one of two categories:
- It loses money — This has been a conservative mantra for about 10 years. This moronic position began with the “Tea Party,” who were supposed to be fiscally conservative and therefore feigned concern over how much money the USPS was losing. This turned out to be incredibly disingenuous on several fronts. Firstly, Trump never even attempted to balance the budget despite an economy that was running at an all-time clip. Instead he increased military spending and cut taxes and blew an even bigger hole in the deficit. Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, and whoever the guy is who moves that idiot “Gym” Jordan’s arms, and all of the rest of the so-called budget hawks never said a word. But let the USPS run in the red, and the Freedom Caucus has a coronary. Secondly, Trump thinks the USPS is a business, it’s not, it’s an independent arm of the executive branch of the Federal Government. It simply has to be funded properly. Running businesses at a loss is Trump’s sweetspot. A whopping six casinos owned by the Trump organization have gone bankrupt. Before Donald Trump came along with his stooge-like financial instincts, one would have thought this practically impossible. Now all of a sudden, “Mr. Fiscal Responsibility” is concerned that the USPS is losing money. Sorry, like your customers for Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, Trump Water, etc…I’m not buying that.
- Mail-in voting leads to voter fraud — It’s interesting that he said that Florida and Georgia with their Republican governors have perfected mail-in voting, but the so-called “blue-states” just can’t seem to figure it out. Ask Trump what they do in Florida or Georgia, I guarantee you he doesn’t know. Absentee as well as mail-in voting has been going on for years in many states. The only notable case of voter fraud was in North Carolina where a mailman was caught not delivering votes he thought would help the Democratic candidate for office. In other words, the only proven example of mail-in voter fraud was perpetrated by the Republicans. Of course what makes this claim totally heinous is that a lot of Republican governors are purging voter lists, and closing polling stations in traditionally Democratic areas therefore making it as difficult as possible for people to vote. So yes, there does seem to be a lot of voter fraud going on, but it all seems to be coming from the Republican side.
(My boy Newman understood the power of the USPS, and Trump, who learned everything he has ever known from television ala “Chauncey Gardner,” must have been paying close attention to this episode in between his romantic liaisons with his various porn stars du jour. You Tube.)
The USPS is so much of who we are as a nation and as a culture. Even the phrase “Going Postal” can be traced back to the post office. The term emanated from the 1980s when a series of office shootings were taking place in various post offices around the country. It used to be that we feared the postman, now apparently he has to fear us. Recently there have been reports of sorting machines being taken out of post offices around the country as well as drop boxes being removed from the street. There was even a picture on the internet that showed a bunch of drop boxes chained up and put out of commission as if they were some sort of postal chain gang. All that was missing was Strother Martin in a cowboy hat inquiring if there was a failure to commun-a-cate.
Of course Trump doesn’t do anything directly on his own. As always, he called upon one of his stooges to do his dirty work. Usually this means one of those rich individuals who had long ago sold their soul to Satan, and have chosen to wallow in the swamp that is the Trump Administration. Enter Louis DeJoy, Republican large donor, and Trump’s lackey of the day. DeJoy has only been the Postmaster General since June. When he was appointed, alarms went off that the appointment of DeJoy would be in essence a politicalization of the post office. In other words, as far as Trump was concerned, bingo! Call me crazy, but I keep staring at the swamp that Trump was supposed to drain and, gosh-darn it, I don’t see it becoming more shallow. Now you might say, “Rob, who cares? It’s the post office.” Oh really. Well, why don’t we let the recently deceased Wilford Brimley explain to you why it matters.
(Don’t ever underestimate the power of a general. You Tube)
I would hate to think that in his haste to cheat in order to win in 2020, Trump has sullied the good name of the USPS. Postal carriers have made up some of our most beloved characters on television and in the movies. Think of how vital these postal employees were to their respective programs and films:
- Cliff Clavin (Cheers) — Clavin, rhymes with “maven,” which he was for all times. “It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the ‘Bronze Age.’” Cliff was the consummate mailman. He knew everything, didn’t work particularly hard, and wasn’t exactly a “Cassanova” when it came to the ladies.
- Newman (Seinfeld) — “Hello Newman.” Jerry’s greeting barely contained his disdain for his civil servant neighbor. Newman was a proud postal employee who enjoyed sending old ladies to the back of the line, taking the day off when it rained, and proclaiming that there really is no such thing as “junk” mail.
- Agent K (Men in Black) — When he wasn’t saving the Earth from some kind of alien attack, he was running a shipshape post office in Massachusetts. It turned out that the mail sorter was a multi-armed extra terrestrial so that kind of ruined it for him.
- Mr. Wilson (Dennis the Menace) — Most people don’t even know that the crotchety Mr. Wilson was a mailman. In his retirement, all Mr. Wilson wanted to do was take care of his garden, read the paper, and I’m assuming have relations with Mrs. Wilson, the “Silver Fox” of the world of comics. Alas, Mr. Wilson was driven to distraction by young Dennis “The Menace.” While I can’t prove it, I can’t help but wonder if one day, Mr. Wilson couldn’t take it anymore and went “postal” after a long day of dealing with that Dennis kid, thereby beginning a trend.
- Uncle Artie (My Uncle) — For what it’s worth, my extended family has produced many-a-mailman. I have at least two cousins and two uncles who were mailmen, but it was my late Uncle Artie who always made me think of the mailman. Uncle Artie worked in the office and I’m not sure what he did, or if he even wore a uniform. Most of the stories he told us revolved around gambling and figuring out ways not to work too hard. In other words, just the type of guy to engineer voter fraud according to the president.
This literally could have been my block in North Massapequa on Long Island in the 1970s. This is exactly what my mailman, “Fred” looked like. He would stop and play wiffle-ball and football with us. Sadly after playing with us for only a few minutes, he would tell us that it was time to leave so he could go facilitate voter fraud. (Getty Images)
For those who have trouble paying attention. Donald Trump, in order to get away with his various transgressions, be they eliciting help from the Russians or Saudis, suppressing the vote, using bribery and threats on individuals both foreign and domestic in order to get them to do his bidding, or simply lying continuously to the American people, has created doubt in all of our institutions. He has tried to place a cloud of impropriety upon our schools, our science and medical community, our media, and now, as incredible as it may seem, our beloved post office. Really Trump voters, aren’t you exhausted yet, and I don’t mean are you tired of winning because, eh, you know. I mean, aren’t you just done with it all?