“Mask” not what you can do for your country

The 5 pros and cons to wearing a mask.

"Mask" not what you can do for your country

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Well it’s official, the last thing in the world that anybody would have ever believed could have been turned into a political statement, medical masks, and more succinctly, the idea of wearing a mask out in public during a pandemic, has been in fact, politicized. Everybody take a bow. “Oh Magoo, you’ve done it again.” How did this happen? How did wearing a mask come to be seen as an act of cowardice, conformity, and sheep-like behavior for some, and an act of safety, selflessness, and civil-mindedness for others. Some now see going into a store without a mask as the ultimate act of defiance, and rebellion, while others see it as dangerous and thoughtless. As David Byrne asked in Once in a Lifetime, “Well, how did we get here?”

As is the case with all issues in our society that have proven to be divisive, it begins with leadership, or in this case, lack thereof. Also, a little bit of misinformation doesn’t help either, and in a case such as this where the infestation of a virus we previously knew nothing about is being battled in real time, there are going to be a few mistakes, misinterpretations, and reevaluations as the situation continues to unfold. There are several culprits who either accidentally or on purpose contributed to the “Mask mish-mosh.” Firstly, there were changes in recommendations made by Dr. Fauci and the CDC on whether we should be wearing masks. First they said we shouldn’t and then after a few weeks they said we should. (Does Fauci have stock in masks?????) However, these mistakes were made out increased understanding of how the virus spreads and not out of political expediency. Not to be outdone, “Tangerine Dream,” aka, President Trump, at the very time his government has been advising that we all wear a mask, is himself refusing to wear one, or have any of his toadies or flunkies wear them either. This is the equivalent of taking your child out for a ride and lecturing them about the dangers of drinking and driving as you literally down a can of beer.

You see, this is exactly what #MAGA is talking about. This is way over the line. Honestly, who’s getting this close to a mannequin that they risk getting infected? This isn’t freedom. (Public Domain Pictures, Labeled for reuse)

Masks have always held a certain allure in our society. From the Lone Ranger, to Zorro, to Batman, to the Phantom of the Opera, and even the Elephant Man, our popular culture has always had a soft-spot for those who would “cover up.” Usually this cover up is out of necessity. For example, the Lone Ranger, Zorro, and Batman all required a mask so their adversaries wouldn’t find out their true identity. For others such as the Phantom of the Opera or the Elephant Man, they disguised their faces as a public service in order to shield us from their hideous deformities. Either way, the mask has always proven quite valuable as a tool for protection.

Of course most people associate masks with Halloween. It’s a time to go out and be a bit anonymous. You can pretend to be Elvis Presley, or Donald Trump, or Freddy Krueger, or whoever you fancy. There’s even an entire holiday dedicated to just one mask, that of British provocateur, Guy Fawkes. Guy Fawkes Day, which is celebrated internationally and is sometimes referred to as Bonfire Night commemorates an attempt by zealous Catholics in England who on November 5th, 1605 plotted to blow up Parliament on its state opening, and hopefully kill the king as well, and reinstitute Catholic rule in England. The plan failed when the conspirators were betrayed, and Fawkes as well as other co-conspirators were arrested, tried, and executed. Ever since, the British celebrate “Thanksgiving” on November 5th, and people are often seen walking around with Guy Fawkes masks. (For you Americans, the mask is kind of a cross between the “Joker,” and Charles Boyer, although more recently it’s been appropriated by the anarchistic disrupter group known as “Anonymous.”) Imagine, an entire holiday built around wearing a mask, so what’s the problem?

One of the benefits of having people walk about with their “Guy Fawkes” masks on is that you don’t have to remember their name. You can simply greet everybody who walks past you by saying, “Hi Guy!” (Getty Images)

Unfortunately, this public foray into mask wearing is no “masquerade party.” The very act of wearing a mask has now become a political symbol. How is this even possible? How did taking precautions during a pandemic become a political statement? What’s next? Is having a pacemaker for you heart going to become some sort of rallying cry for Antifa? What about covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze? Does that make you a little lamb being led to the slaughter by the United Nations and George Soros? On the other hand, if you do sneeze or cough in public, and you don’t do it correctly, people look at you like you’re some sort of social leper who should be shamed like Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones.

I’m all in on the mask wearing, but that doesn’t mean I like it or enjoy it, and I’m not sure anybody other than the Howie Mandel types, those who live in fear of germs, COVID or otherwise, are enjoying this. For example, the other day I was on line at my local favorite butcher shop, Fred the Butcher located in so far riot free Clifton Park. I was standing behind a man who was also wearing a mask, and we sort of got too close to each other, at least as far as the rules go in COVID times, and for some reason this gentleman felt compelled to mention to me how stupid the whole mask thing is and that he hates it, disagrees with it, but wears it. I simply replied that I agree with it, but I also hate it, and of course wear it. There’s so much in our society that we hate doing, but are compelled to do, and apparently we can now add wearing a mask to this ever growing list.

No, that is not my “Manzier” collection, or my wife’s bra collection. That is the Hoffman family mask collection, and I don’t mind saying that they are shiek, windresistent, and adorable. (Hoffman Collection)

I suppose as it is with literally every single issue in America today, the debate over whether one should or should not wear a mask can be boiled down to one orange tinged man, Donald Trump. The White House as well as the CDC’s official position on masks is that yes you should wear one in public, especially in a store, or really any place where people congregate. Again this is the official guidelines and recommendations set forth by the White House, (Which if I’m not mistaken means that it comes either from the president, or at the very least with the president’s full support. In other words, once the White House announces a position on something, it would be kind of odd for the president, the occupant of the White House to go ahead and then do the exact opposite of what the president just endorsed and/or ordered. It would be like if FDR called the Pearl Harbor attack “A day that will live in infamy,” and then went out picnicing on the White House lawn munching on sushi. It kind of sends a mixed message.) and yet, the president has thus far not allowed himself to be filmed wearing a mask, and neither have any in his inner circle or even his faithful white haired terrier, Mike Pence. You see, that kind of sends a mixed message.

Of course, as far as Trump is concerned, it’s not a mixed message at all. He doesn’t want people wearing a mask any more than he wants to be seen wearing one himself. Why? Because in his mind it makes him appear weak. Again, this is an odd message to send out. It’s kind of like refusing chemotherapy when you’ve been diagnosed with cancer since, “Chemo is for pussies!” However, for Trump it’s also about the psychology of the nation. If people see him going out without a mask, then his #MAGA-maggots will think the pandemic is behind us, and now we can go on with our consuming. Thus, once again, the “Orange Menace” has succeeded in doing something most would have thought impossible. He has figured out a way to make something as innocuous as a mask a divisive issue, and even more impressive, using this non-issue/issue to make the nation even more divided. Bravo Mr. President!

“My hot wife “Melonomia,” Eric, Don Jr., Ivanka, other kids who I fathered but didn’t bother to raise, could you help me with this powerful mask. The most powerful mask ever.” (New York Times)

As with any controversial issue, there are always going to be pros and cons regarding the wearing of the mask. Let’s begin with the pros:

Why wearing a mask is a good idea?

1. You protect others from you — It’s amazing how many people fail to comprehend this one indisputable fact. Masks help prevent you from spreading the disease to others. When did that become a sign of weakness? How did this become an attack on our individual freedoms? Find me that guy who doesn’t cover his mouth when he coughs or sneezes under ordinary circumstances? (Quick side note, I wonder if there is any correlation between men who don’t wear masks and single men who don’t wear condoms?)
2. Nobody knows what you’re thinking — You can hide your emotions with a mask on, nobody knows if you’re serious, kidding, angry, or holding up a store.
3. You can pretend you’re Hawkeye Pierce on M*A*S*H — You can make quips about “Hot Lips” Houlihan, put down Frank Burns, coddle Radar, and ask for a clamp…stat!
4. You can turn them into a fashion statement — Feel free to wear your favorite sports team on your face. Tattoos are so permanent, but masks can easily be slipped on or off. I have a birthday as well as Father’s Day coming up. I’d be proud to wear a Mets mask. (Maybe not a Jets mask, I’m concerned that the virus might slip right through the material.
5. No more ugly people — Admit it, you’ve been checking out people who are wearing masks and trying to ascertain whether they are good looking or not. In a country where we are divided not only by income and race, but by physical appearances, the playing field my Socialist friends has just been leveled. Poor Bernie Sanders, what an opportunity he missed. Now everybody looks the same. There’s no longer a need for braces, teeth whiteners, nose jobs, nose piercings, lipstick, or mustache grooming. As far as anybody knows, with your mask on, you may very well be Tom Cruise or Charlize Theron.

Another great thing about wearing a mask is that you can play doctor, and not in a dirty way. Well, I mean you can play it in a dirty way, I’m just saying that there’s options. (Getty Images)

Reasons why wearing a mask isn’t a good idea.

1. You’re stuck with your own germs — A couple of days ago I was in either Lowes or Home Depot, (Honestly, what’s the difference?) and my hayfever was acting up terribly and I sneezed three times into my mask. It was uber-gross. I turned to the guy behind me and said, “Ugh, I”m trapped in my own germs.” What’s worse, how do I know where I’ve been?
2. They’re not easy to breathe in — I really have a lot of respect for those who go to work everyday for let’s face it, not a lot of money and have to wear these things all day. I know I’m not exactly Carl Lewis, but I find myself needing to sneak breaths by lifting it up every once-in-a-while.
3. They’re easy to leave at home — Perhaps this will change as they become part of our new normal, but on several occasions I’ve left the house needing a mask for my destination, and have forgotten to take one with me. I wonder if that ever happens to Batman?
4. They don’t protect you from anybody else — I don’t pretend to be a scientist, and I know I should check a reliable source like Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity before spouting off, but it is a little weird that a mask can keep your germs from affecting others, but don’t offer any protection from other people’s germs. Why can’t they use the same technology on both sides of the mask? (I know this sounds really stupid, and I’m sure a lot of you are thinking, “How can he ask such a ridiculous question?” But let’s be honest, you must have at least considered this. I’m just foolish enough to ask it out loud.)
5. Freedom — Look, it’s one thing to have systematic discrimination in our law enforcement against people of color, it’s quite another thing to make people walk around with masks. I mean, what is this? North Korea?

Look at these non-mask wearing Patriots. Nobody is going to tread on them. This is about freedom! I mean what’s next, jack-booted cops using their knees to crush the windpipes of unarmed citizens? Thank goodness for these freedom fighters. Masks might as well be the “Stars of David” that the Jews were forced to wear in Nazi Germany. I wonder who these fine and enlightened people will vote for in the 2020 presidential election? (New York Times)

In light of the protests, outrage, and sadly, riots that have broken out over the past few days not only over the death of George Floyd, but the systematic brutality that we see waged against people of color historically in our nation, there has been at least one small silver lining. We are no longer subject to the faux outrage and phony accompanying patriotism that was displayed over the alleged loss of rights and freedoms placed upon the American citizenry over the COVID-19 outbreak and subsequent quarantine that followed so we could manage the health crisis that appeared to be heading our way. It’s a little difficult to complain about “freedom” when your biggest beef is that you need a pedicure, or want to have a Schlitz at your favorite towny watering hole when African-Americans are being murdered by so-called law enforcement right in broad daylight.

Maybe the next time you’re feeling put upon by the fact that you have to wear a mask, and that they are uncomfortable and a little difficult to breathe in, think about how much more difficult it is to breathe when there’s a knee upon your neck as a result of the fact that you allegedly passed a counterfeit 20 dollar bill at a store. Those who choose not to wear a mask at this time in our nation’s history are truly revealing who they are.