And the Oscar goes to ZZzzzz…
Welcome back everybody. I would have published this sooner, but the television broadcast of the 88th Academy Awards ceremony just ended. I don’t want to say the show was boring, but 40% of all viewers actually stated that they would rather have been mauled by a bear like Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Revenant”, than sit through one more award for Best Foreign Short Documentary Live Action Feature.
Thank God Leo won, just the thought of him losing again, and having to go back to his yacht with only his latest Victoria’s Secret “Supermodel” as consolation was enough for me to consider starting a telethon for him. (You Tube)
I couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot of angry postings going up on Facebook during the early moments of the broadcast. For those of you who don’t follow the comings and goings of the Oscars, this year’s ceremony was shrouded in controversy. Apparently, despite numerous movies that featured African-American actors and actresses, none of them were deemed worthy enough to be considered for an Academy Award nomination. This caused somewhat of a backlash by several African-American actors and movie producers who let it be known that not only would they not be participating in this year’s festivities, but that others should do the same.
Spike Lee has told African-American actors to “Do the Right Thing”, and boycott the Oscars. One thing Spike could never boycott, his beloved New York Knicks! Hey, is that MacCauley Calkin behind him? (New York Times)
Interestingly, the Oscars chose comedian Chris Rock to host their big night. Rock was chosen before all of the controversy broke regarding the fact that no African-American filmmaker or actor had been nominated for Oscar consideration. Many people were curious about what Chris Rock would do? They didn’t have to wait long.
“I gotta tell ya”, Bob Hope hosted the Oscars a record 19 times. Based on the criticism that some hurled at Chris Rock, it sounds like people missed the harmless corn-ball humor of Bob “Texaco” Hope. Hope’s best Academy Awards’ joke? “Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it’s known in my house, Passover“! (You Tube)
I, along with many other Americans consider Chris Rock to be one of the funniest and most clever comedians performing today. I would even consider him to be amongst the top five, along with Jerry Seinfeld, Louis C.K., Patton Oswalt, and Jon Stewart. Anybody who expected Chris Rock to not at least acknowledge the race issue at the Oscars was being in my humble opinion, naive. How could he not? However, at least according to the comments I was seeing on Facebook, many people were outraged. In honesty, I didn’t think he was attacking white people as much as he was going after the powers who rule Hollywood. I’m not sure why non-Hollywood types would be offended by this, but offended they were.
Although he ticked a lot of people off, Rock did get off a couple of good lines, including this one: “Welcome to the Oscars or as it’s better known, The White People’s Choice Awards. (You Tube)
I honestly didn’t feel that Chris Rock went too far. Perhaps the jokes became a little repetitive after awhile, but I didn’t feel they were overly harsh or offensive. Some people were offended by his joke about black people being shot by the police, and for many that was over the line. Overall though, I didn’t feel it was Chris Rock at his best. In fact, I thought the night was a snooze-fest, even more so than usual.
As a society, I believe we have reached the point where we expect the Academy Awards to be pretty dull. Why is this so? Why does a program that honors all of the movies and movie stars that everybody loves, have to be so excruciatingly dull?
First of all, the Academy Awards program could easily be cut down to an hour. I’m not belittling the accomplishments of the costumers and cinematographers. I’m sure they are immensely talented, and do a great job. However, I don’t care, and neither do you! We don’t know who these people are, they’re not hot, and we care even less about the people they’re thanking.
One of these just doesn’t belong. Ahem, Ahem, I’m talking to you “Gaga”! (You Tube)
I don’t mind sitting through the thank yous from the director of some foreign documentary on starving wallabies of the Northwest Territory of the “Outback”, but then they have to afford more speaking time to the people that we really wish to hear from. In other words, don’t cut off Leonardo DiCaprio during his speech, or that guy who keeps winning Best Director. People want to hear what those people have to say. Instead, they get played off, and we have to sit through another five minutes of commercials at 11:45 Eastern Standard time, when I have to get my beauty sleep before I have to get up at 5:30 in the morning. (I really don’t have to get up that early, but I have a lot of rituals.)
I may be a heterosexual, but I’m just going to say it. There is nothing sexier than accountants in tuxedos at the Oscars. (Getty Images)
I went to bed at 11:50p before Leo won his Oscar, and before Best Picture was announced. I simply couldn’t take it any longer, and I had already stopped caring. I miss the halcyon days of the past when plenty of crazy crap took place at the Academy Awards. Here are the craziest incidents that I can remember in my many years of watching the Oscars.
- Sasha Littlefeather — Who? She was the Native American woman who accepted Marlon Brando’s Oscar for The Godfather. Brando said that he couldn’t possibly accept an award considering how poorly the American gov’t had treated the indigenous population. Essentially, an offer he could refuse.
- George C. Scott — Scott won for Patton in 1970, but refused his Oscar on philosophical grounds. Honestly, after seeing Scott in Exorcist III, they probably would have asked for it back.
- Vanessa Redgrave — The more talented less pleasant sister of Lynn Redgrave accepted her Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in 1978 for the movie Julia. In a town, at an event, in an industry, populated rather heavily by Jews, Redgrave let this little ditty fly..
4. The Streaker — The aforementioned streaker at the 1974 Oscars ruffled many feathers, but not the unflappable David Niven.
5. James Franco and Anne Hathaway — Are there two more talented performers in Hollywood? No. Was there ever a more poorly hosted Academy Awards? Probably not. By the end of the night, most people felt that James Franco owed Anne Hathaway an apology, and that Anne Hathaway owed America an apology.
“A” for effort…”D” for result. (You Tube)
One thing that the Academy Awards broadcast usually handles pretty well is how they honor the old and the dead. (“Quick, note to myself, an idea for a “Spaghetti Western” starring Clint Eastwood and Eli Wallach, 2016, The Old and the Dead”) However, even that went awry this year. First of all, there was very little applauding done when the dead people’s faces were shown. I think it’s because they don’t want the memories of some people tarnished by being basically “dullards”, even in death, unable to elicit even a solid round of applause, even after they have gone to the great commissary lot in the sky. Secondly, they left off Abe Vigoda, Tessio himself! (It is possible that Vigoda was featured in several “death montages” at the Academy Awards over the years, since he was frequently the most rumored dead celebrity for well over a decade.
Sorry Abe, Tom can’t get you out of this one for old time sake either. (New York Times)
This year’s Oscars seemed to skip over another perennial favorite, the “shout-out” to the very old, and in most likely-hood, soon to be deceased celebrity. Sometimes this is done in the form of an honorary Oscar for a lifetime of achievement in cinema. Often this is given to someone who was primarily ignored by the Academy for the majority of their career, but now that they are “Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”, the Academy wishes to send them packing with a sweet parting gift.
As a young child, I remember watching the Oscars and seeing a very old (84) Charlie Chaplain get introduced and receive his honorary Oscar, and I can remember thinking as I watched what seemed to me at the time, quite possibly the oldest human being in history, that it was kind of sad that he no longer looked like the “little tramp” that I had already become a fan of, even at such a young age. Somebody gave him his old hat and cane, and I remember my mother saying in her “Jewish-Motherly way”, “Ah, what he used to do with that hat, and that cane, what a shame”. Believe me when I tell you at eight years old, that thouroughly depressed the hell out of me.
Nobody should have been feeling bad for the old fellow, after all, he fathered his last child at the tender age of 73. Apparently he still knew what to do with his cane. (You Tube)
Sometimes, instead of giving these “Movie Methuselah’s” an award, they’d simply have the host shout out to them in the audience. Billy Crystal, one of the smooothest and most capable hosts in Academy history, met his match when he had to engage in banter with legends such as Hal Roach, of the “Our Gang” comedies and Fay Wray of King Kong fame.
Roach, who was remarkably spry at the age of 100, attempted to converse with Crystal from the audience. However, since he wasn’t on a microphone, nobody could tell what the director of all of those legendary “Our Gang” comedies was saying. It sounded to me like he said, “It might choke Artie, but it won’t choke Stymie”.
What does it say about us when you have so many people complaining about the Oscars being too liberal, too elitist, too anti-police, and too out of touch with mainstream America, while you have an equal amount of people complaining that the Oscars are too stodgy, too mired in tradition, too racist, and too consumed with profit. There is common ground however. Everyone agrees, they are too long and too dull.
We need more moments like this, where Adrian Brody gave Halle Berry the nosing of her life. (Getty Images)
Since we all know that this is an award winning blog, I’d like to first thank the Times Union, Mike Huber, my wife and children, and the good people at Drake’s Cakes, the makers of Yodels, that’s Drake’s, when you really need a Yodel!