5 Ways to survive and thrive amidst the quarantine

What can you do to thrive during the Quarantine? What would you be willing to do to end it?

Surviving and thriving amidst the quarantine

A few weeks ago, as it occurred to me that life as we know it was about to go through some very dramatic changes, I took it upon myself to write a blog that detailed all of the things we were going to be missing from our lives thanks to our COVID-19 inspired quarantine. I referred to these missing aspects from our lives as “distractions.” In other words, these are the things we do to fill our day so we don’t have to think about unpleasant issues such as our own mortality, or work, or paying our taxes. For the time being, these distractions are now AWOL. However, as a mostly meaningless March has now descended into an empty and repetitive April, I’ve decided that it’s time to think in a more positive fashion.

You see, we are all truly in this together. Nobody is “getting away” with anything. If you’re an American, then you’re stuck. The fortunate ones, such as myself are still gainfully employed and working from home. Then there are those who we label as the “heroic.” They have to go into work, or if you are a doctor, or a nurse, or hospital worker, or police officer, or fireman, or EMT worker, or even a grocery store employee, then you are on the front lines of this pandemic, and while you may be lucky to have a job, you are endangering your safety, and of course, we are as a society indebted to you for your bravery and sacrifice. If you are one of the less fortunate, then you have lost at least temporarily your job or business, and of course those who are truly unlucky are the ones amongst us who make up the sick and/or dying. It can in fact be said with complete confidence that nobody is untouched in some way by this nasty virus. I guess what I’m saying is that despite all of this misfortune, there is a silver lining of sorts here, it is basically that COVID-19 has taught us that tribalism can be defeated by the old adage, “Misery loves company.”

Ah, to be blissfully unaware. They say pets have been the big winner in all of this since now their masters have to be home with them. I believe that to be true, for example, my dog’s “accidents” around the house are down about 95%, which for a beagle is 100%. (Hoffman Collection)

So what have people been doing these past few weeks? How have we kept ourselves amused? Certainly there’s television. Netflix subscriptions have got to be at some kind of all-time high. My wife and I are making our way through something called the Kaminsky Method starring Michael Douglas, Alan Arkin, and a lot of other old actors. We are also catching up on Homeland which is in its final season, and we are continuing our hunt for other new programming. Others are tuned to Hulu, the premium cable channels, and of course if you are a sports fan, then you can watch SNY to see classic Met games like May, 2017, “David Wright hits a single against the Marlins, but the Mets lose anyway!”

As for dining, you can order in, but that’s kind of limited. Sure there’s pizza, Italian, chain places, and of course, fast food, but ironically you can’t even order in the food that’s made for ordering in , Chinese. Apparently the issue regarding Chinese restaurants has nothing to do with China, Wuhan Province, or even presidentially inspired racism. Simply put, most of the Chinese restaurants get their supplies from New York City, and apparently that’s not a place right now one wishes to import anything from for the immediate future. Maybe it’s for the best, I mean, what’s the point of fortune cookies when everybody’s fortune is roughly the same right now. It would read something like this:”You will be sitting at home…for a while.”

If anything permanent happens to Kwong Ming, then all I can say is that obviously it is proof that there is no Buddha! Speaking of which, if they do go out of business, I want to put in a bid for their Egg Roll recipe, as well as one of their Pu Pu Platter…platters. (Hoffman Collection)

As I stated earlier, I’m trying to fulfill the role I was born to scoff at, the optimist, in other words, I’m trying to focus on the things that we can do while quarantined. Since we’re supposed to stay inside, or at least not congregate with people other than going to the grocery store, it severely limits the things one can do for amusement. I like to stare out the window sometimes and look at the walkers. Who are the “walkers?” Well, when I say “walker,” I do not refer to Wesley Walker, T-Bone Walker, or even Jimmy “J.J.” Walker, (Although seeing him would in fact be……dy-no-mite!) no I simply mean the multitudes of people who as soon as it goes above 45 degrees leave their homes and walk around our block. We kind of live on a giant oval that’s about a mile around. People, as if they were in a prison yard are walking around on it While I certainly don’t begrudge them wanting to get some exercise, or fresh air, or simply just to get the hell out of the house, the scene looks a little bit like Night of the Living Dead.

Basically, if you walk around the neighborhood, provided you keep your distance of course, people will give a half-hearted wave, and maybe give you a shout-out of sorts. Of course if you are driving somewhere, then it probably means you are going some place that you shouldn’t, in which case you get the stink-eye as you drive by, and are considered by your neighbors and society as a whole as being lower than dog manure. Most of these “walkers” don’t wear a mask or cover up, and they don’t seem to be in any kind of particular rush, nor are they looking like they are necessarily enjoying themselves, they are simply taking a pre-apocalyptic walk, and so far as outdoor activity goes, that might be as good as it gets.

This is essentially what I see out of my window when the weather is nice. I think I’ll call them “Corona-Survivor-Zombies” or “CSZ’s” (Copyright!) (Flickr, labeled for reuse)

There of course many things you can do while quarantined that don’t include walking or watching television, or even social media. For example there’s always the time-honored custom of staring at the wall. My mother used to tell me to go bang my head against the wall when I was bored, but that sounds painful, and since you can’t really see a doctor if there’s anything wrong with you that doesn’t start with the word “Corona,” I’m going to pass on that treat. However one can still stare at the wall. In fact you can make a game of it. Stare at the wall for as long as possible without blinking, and then see if you can beat your own record.

I already mentioned staring out the door or window to watch the “walkers,” and that got me thinking about compiling a list of all the songs that include or mention or revolve around looking out the door or window. They include, but are not limited to…

1. Looking Out My Back Door/Creedence Clearwater Revival — I don’t know, he seemed to glean a lot more joy looking out his back door then I have by looking out my front.
2. I am a Rock/Simon and Garfunkel — The ultimate introvert’s song. An introvert might even call this their anthem, provided that they actually spoke to anybody. “Gazing from my window to the street below, on a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.” Yeah, if we’re still doing that next winter, you’re going to find me with my eyebrows shaved off.
3. Come to My Window/Melissa Etheridge — “Don’t do it, how do I know if you’ve been tested?”

(I don’t want to say that Paul Simon is an introvert, but when he was asked recently how he was passing the time during the quarantine, he replied, “Quaran-what now?” You Tube)

Of course the ultimate thing that most of us can do is actually get to know our families minus all of the activities that define so much of our family time. If I were to put it more bluntly, I would say that you actually have to sit and talk with your spouse and children, and perhaps even listen to what they have to say. I’m proud to say that this heretofore unheard of practice actually paid off recently. My youngest son Alex and I were having what I think used to be known during the Nixon administration as a “face-to-face” conversation the other day and he proposed an interesting question. “What would you be willing to do to end the quarantine and get back to normal?” He then proposed a number of scenarios testing how desperate I truly was to put an end to the quarantine and return stability to the situation.

This “game” actually reminded me of a similar challenge that a friend of mine at work brought to my attention a couple of years ago. You invent a scenario that involves some sort of mental, emotional, psychological or physical quandary that a person must ponder and consider before attempting to answer. For example, he asked me, “How many 9 year olds do you think you could beat up at once?” That’s a good question right? (His other soul-searching question was kind of demented and not meant for a family newspaper, but you get the idea.)

Thus I began to think about what I would be willing to do to end this terrible quarantine and help everybody get their lives back. Now remember, in order to play this game you have to be aware of all of the ramifications and consequences involved in your decision. In exchange for instantaneously lifting the quarantine, ending the threat of the virus, saving all of the people who are sick and/or infected, as well as bringing the economy back, one has to be willing to endure some sort of long-term sacrifice and suffering. What would you be willing to live with in order to return to normal?

“In exchange for lifting the quarantine and returning to normal, I would be willing to….”

1. Allow for the fact that the Jets, Mets, Knicks, and Rangers will never get to win a championship for the rest of my natural life: Now I know what the cynics will say, “Rob, how often does this collection of losers ever win anything? ” Yes, I’m quite aware. The Knicks haven’t won since 1973, that’s 47 years. The Rangers did win in 1994 and it was thrilling, but that was 26 years ago, and oh, before that they hadn’t won since 1940. That’s twice in 80 years. The Mets haven’t won the World Series in 34 years, and the Jets, well, we’re now looking at a drought of 51 years. In sports, hope springs eternal, to have no hope in exchange for lifting the quarantine is a tough call. I’m hoping to have at least 25 years left. Wow, tough choice.
2. If you are a Trump supporter, allow for a Biden victory in November: What say all of you MAGAs? Willing to allow for a Biden presidency, a complete repudiation of the “Orange Menace?” Are you so desperate to break out of quarantine that you would stand by and trade your president for a return to normalcy? (And it would be a return to normalcy in all ways!) No more rallies, no more ICE agents rounding up illegals, polluters stymied in their drive to foul up the planet, pro-choice judges as far as the eye can see, where does it all end?
3. If you are a Trump hater, allow for four more years of Trump: Quarantine is over. Now it’s four more years of Jared, and Don Jr., and Eric, and red “MAGA” hats everywhere, and incompetent draconian judges on every federal court, and polluters literally peeing in your mouth, and scandals, scandals, scandals, plus, wait for it, Trump taking credit for ending the disease and saving the economy. However, the disease is gone, and quarantine is lifted. Worth it?
4. Gain 30 pounds while in quarantine: Quarantine is over, the plague has been lifted. You emerge from your bunker, and you’ve got a vastly expanded spare tire around your waste. Could you live with that? Are you willing to waddle out of your homes and greet all those you have professed to miss, but now you have to wear a robe because none of your clothes fit. Goodbye lock up, hello “Big and Tall!”
5. Not have internet for three years: You can have a cell phone, but all you can do is use it to make actual telephone calls. You have no internet at home, no streaming services, you can’t Google anything. No more texting, no social media, but the quarantine is over. Are you willing to completely erase your virtual footprint in exchange for getting to mingle in person with actual people? Have you seen these actual people? You might be better off keeping in touch virtually.

If you’re a fan of the New York Jets, then this is a sight for very sore and tired eyes. Are you willing to forgo any chance of ever witnessing this in your life in exchange for an end to all of this mishugas? I mean, I’ve lasted this long, and most of my hope and optimism regarding the Jets is at best misplaced, and at worst, downright delusional, why not give up the charade, and just release everybody from purgatory…until I see the first moronic Patriots fan who tells me how great the Belichick system is, and then, oy, what to do, what to do?? (You Tube)

That tiny little voice inside of us that represents optimism tell us that this entire episode is an opportunity. We can get all sorts of projects done, focus on family and our hobbies, catch up on our reading, powerwatch our way through series after series on Netflix, and maybe return to a simpler way of life where our daily activities aren’t ruled by routine and schedules that others set for us. Then again, every time I see a television program on the Food Network where somebody is enjoying a burger and pint in a fun and lively tavern or bistro, I want to curse the name COVID-19.

No, I can’t give up hope, I have to stay positive. Look there’s a lot of people out there putting it all on the line for the rest of us, everybody from those in the medical profession to those who are working in the now very stressful world of the retail grocery store. We should all remember this and be thankful for these individuals. Look, on Easter Sunday I started my day with matzoh brie, and end edit with ham, how bad can things really be? No reason to throw in the towel yet.